Winona Ryder

Winnie we aren’t angry, we’re just disappointed. You wowed us in Beetlejuice, fascinated us in Edward Scissorhands, and even made us laugh very, very briefly in Mr Deeds – but then we were forced to weep for the poor people at Saks Fifth Avenue when you dared to steal a couple grands worth of clothes. Naughty Winona. They probably only turn over a yearly profit of a couple of mil’ – how could you be so heartless?

In the merry month of December 2001 Winona was arrested for stealing $5,500 worth of designer clothes from Saks Fifth Avenue in Los Angeles.

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She got charged with grand theft (Auto Vice City), shoplifting and vandalism but got away with the burglary count. She got 3 years probation, psychological and drug counseling, $3,700 in fines, $6,355 restitution to Saks, and had to do 480 hours of community service. The community service allowed ageing celebrities to live out their fantasy before being killed off (in real life like they have been in their movie careers) – below is a photo of Whoopi Goldberg attempting to drown Winona Ryder in order to act out her fantasy:

Shortly after this failed attempt Winona quit the program and picked up trash for the next couple of months.