How To Catch A Python – With Your Right Foot

You’ve been trudging through the Cameroonian jungle for weeks. Your feet are covered in thick, meaty blisters that look like baby jellyfish; your toenails actually ache and you think that ripping them off would actually feel better than nailing Mila Kunis; your stomach is grumbling at you like a schizophrenic 90-year-old; your arms and shoulders are slowly succumbing to the recent lack of suncream and insect repellent and your skin is starting to resemble burnt bubble-wrap; your rucksack has glued onto your back due to the excessive sweat and you could easily make a killing as one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; you’re so light-headed you think your head is going to take flight any moment and fly you over the seas and sands and shanty towns and Home Bargains and bus-stops and your dealer’s house and dump you right back in your bed, where you should be, instead of on your way to meet Mr. Death and his lovely scythe halfway through the depths of the Cameroonian jungle.

We’ve all been there and it ain’t the best, right? There’s nothing worse than being lost in the Cameroonian jungle – apart from if you’ve run out of green and your dealer’s AWOL – so what do you do? Wait to die? Of course not, pleb. You grit your yellowed teeth, take a piss and drink it and then chuck your leg in a snake’s lair and wait for it to try to eat you so you can catch it, kill it, and have a feast better than Jesus did with his buddies.

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If you dunno what the hell I’m talking about then you obviously have never been lost in the Cameroonian jungle. Only broz do actually get lost in there so I suppose that explains why this bunch are in there. They’re also really mental and have maybe (probably) got something wrong with them because anybody sane would never cover their leg in some disgusting substance and put their leg in a python’s lair, just for a quick laugh, when the python could easily drag you down or tear your leg off or cut off your circulation or whatever. But kudos has to be given for this because these guys have obviously got really huge pumpkin balls.

The video’s in French but that doesn’t really matter, the footage shows you all you need to know. Check it:

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