I thought about writing about some of the reasons why living in Australia was shit as a sort of counter argument to Candace Sutton’s useless journalism but I thought that

a) I have never actually lived in Australia so my article would probably end up as poorly researched (but not as badly written) as Candace’s so I would just end up looking like an idiot

b) I actually have a bunch of Australian friends who are safe and a couple of my best friends even live over there now so it probably isn’t that bad. Hell even Sick Chirpse writer Brodi Snook is Australian, although she does live in Brighton now. Guess it isn’t so bad over here huh Candace?

c) I didn’t really want to stoop to Candace’s level

d) There are already a shit tonne of articles out there that explain why it is so shit to live down there.

Here’s a few links that you can check out such lists at, which all actually seem to be actually compiled by people who LIVE IN AUSTRALIA, you know therefore making them a million times more legitimate than anything that I – or Candace Sutton – would write:

10 Worst Things About Living In Australia

The Best And Worst Things About Living In Australia

5 Reasons It Sucks To Live In Australia

10 Reasons Not To Move To Australia

For those of you that can’t be bothered to read that list then here’s a quick summary of the points. I couldn’t be bothered to go into any detail about them because those guys say it way better than I could and actually have the experience to back it up. Go click on their links if you want to know more:

1. Lack of culture

2. High cost of living

3. Dry, hot and windy weather soon begins to grate

4. Racism and discrimination rife

5. Kind of boring..towns all look the same

6. Education system sucks

7. Customer service sucks

8. Lack of convenience..ie: no pay at the pump

9. Laid back lifestyle= laziness

10. Australian guys are twats

11. All Australians do is tell you how great Australia is (eh Candace Sutton?)

12. Driving standards and roads suck – also there aren’t enough petrol stations!?

13. Medical system sucks

14. Snakes and spiders etc everywhere

15. Housing quality sucks

16. Internet is super slow and crappy

Ok, so not all of those reasons are going to be 100% true for everyone’s opinions and in every region/city in Australia but I’m just saying this – that is a lot of stuff that affects your quality of life way more than problems like having to go to a different airport on your layover or the beer being warm or the beaches being sucky or the food being boring or whatever.

Basically, all of the reasons that Candace Sutton came up with (except maybe the weather, although that is variable) are completely vague generalisations about Britain that she knows nothing about, and all of them can easily be changed if you’re visiting or living here if you want to change them – I dare say they don’t even apply to 50% of the population.

However, stuff like shitty roads/a shitty medical system/a shitty education system/bad internet are huge national problems that will affect the quality of life there for years to come. Considering their economy is booming Candace why don’t they reinvest some of this money into actually making the country’s infrastructure over there slightly better? Then you guys can win the International Happiness Award or whatever it’s called by even more of a margin.

The other stuff on the list like racist attittudes/bad customer service/all Australian guys are twats/all Australians do is tell you how great Australia is are also pretty big factors for why it must suck living over there. I’m not saying that people that fit all those character traits don’t live in Britain but hey, I don’t think that they appear in the top Google searches for why it sucks to live in Britain – at least it doesn’t according Candace Sutton’s article – so it can’t be as prevalent as it is over there right? I’ve also got A LOT of friends who agree with these sentiments and I’ve gotta say a lot of the Australians I’ve met whilst travelling or on holiday do kind of live up to those stereotypes. But then everyone who goes travelling is a twat (but that’s a whole different article) so maybe I should leave off them in that respect.

☛ More Dumb Australians: Unbelievable Australian Road Rage Attack 

Finally, I looked into Candace Sutton who seems to be like a bit of a nobody. A quick Google search brought up her Twitter account – where she has about 200 Twitter followers, pretty lame for an online journalist, I mean it’s even less than me and I wouldn’t even describe myself as a journalist (feel free to tweet her exactly what you think of her too) – and a recent news search which proclaimed that she had recently been hired by news.com.au after having previously worked for the Sun Herald where her article ‘The Naked City’ was a must read. I guess that kinda makes her the Australian Carrie Bradshaw only less funny and less attractive, which is a pretty difficult feat.

I think her writing is probably best summed up by the last point/line of her article in which she says our sporting wins ‘aren’t really sporting wins’ and then she ends her argument with a ‘so there.’ I mean I think even for a ten year old trying to construct an argument that’s one of the dumbest ways to end it. It just implies that there isn’t anything else to say and she can’t even defend her position on the subject with an adequate conclusion. So there?! give me a fucking break, when was the last time anyone even heard that phrase?

Probably in Australia.

☛ More Reasons Not To Live In Australia: Terrifying Dust Storm Hits Australia