Assuming you’re a guy then however small your penis is, you’ve gotta at least be thankful that you’ve got one after hearing this story about a guy that wasn’t even born with one. That’s gotta be a wounder – especially when you’re taking a shower at junior school.

Images VIA 

So yeah, you’ve really gotta feel stoked for the guy that recently received he world’s most expensive bionic penis at a cost of £50,000 last week and will be able to have sex for the first time in about eight weeks. 44 year old Andrew Wardle successfully underwent the operation at London’s University Hospital on Friday and will have his bionic penis implanted for about ten days before it’s deflated and he’ll then have to wait for six weeks before he’s allowed to have sex with his long-term girlfriend Fedra Fabian.

As you might expect though, 44 years without a dick have been pretty tough on Andrew. He’s had multiple operations just so he could pass urine and even attempted suicide in 2012 because of the stigma his rare condition had given him. He’s hoping to be passed all that now though and here’s what he had to say about the whole process:

My GP knew about my depression and suicide attempts. She told me: ‘You can’t live like this.’

‘I thought: “I’ve heard all this before,” but she actually got in touch with Mr Wood and said: “I’ve got a guy who wants to meet you.”

I went down to London and I was so skint I had to sleep on the streets. But it was worth it.

Until then everybody had said: “I can’t do anything.” But he said: “I can build you a new bladder and my friend can build you a penis.”

A surgeon in America told me that it would easily be worth a million dollars – the world’s most expensive penis.’

I’m very excited that I can move on now. But I think having sex for the first time is more of a big deal for everyone else than it is for me.

I’ve spent 44 years without a penis and I’ve coped with not having sex for all that time. It will take me a while to get in the swing of things.

Of course, I’m looking forward to it. But, for me, it’s not the be-all-and-end-all. It’s a by-product of the operation. It will enable me to feel part of society.

I’m very aware that I am half-human half-robot at the moment. I’m like the bionic man. I will even be able to perform if I am drunk.

Bonus –  it might not be an issue for me right now but I know that does affect a lot of people, especially as they get older. Overall I’m just chuffed for the guy as I can’t even imagine what the past 44 years must have been like for him. Wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

Andrew is going to celebrate by going on holiday with Freda shortly and hopefully losing his virginity if there aren’t any side effects. I would wish him well but I’m pretty sure all of us know that losing your virginity isn’t exactly the easiest and most comfortable thing in the world. Hopefully Fedra knows what she’s doing though – that always helps.

For more bionic penises, check out this story about a guy who had one but then had surgery to make it smaller. Why?