COCO POPS

You’ve been spoilt your whole life. Non-branded products make you dry heave and you’re the most infuriatingly lazy person in your circle of friends. If you don’t get what you want, you throw a tantrum, and god help anyone who tries to give you a breakfast cereal that doesn’t turn the milk chocolaty.

MUSELI

You hate the taste of muesli. Don’t lie about it, everyone does. It’s not even a proper cereal, you sick fool. The only reason you’ve got it in your cereal cupboard is so you can show off when people like me come round to inspect your breakfast selection. “Ooh look at me, my cereal is packed full of fiber and has real fruit in it”. Don’t think you can just get away with that, you freak of a weasel. You might be fooling the casual breakfast onlooker, but I know all to well that the only people who enjoy eating sawdust with rubbish fruit in it are full on paedophiles. You disgust me.

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