There’s a new range of underwear out called Shreddies and if you’re known to drop a stinker every now and then that you can’t control, then they could be the pants that you’ve been waiting for all these years.
They’re made out of zorflex – a highly absorptive carbon based material which is used in chemical warfare suits, so they should be able to hide your shame even after you’ve had a doner kebab or a vindaloo after a night out – and its Loughborough based makers claim that it can filter out odours more than 200 times stronger than the average fart.
It works by having a thin patch of zorflex rght on your butthole, so as soon as anything comes out of your ass it’s instantly taken care of. Providing its gaseous and not solid that is of course. Apparently this material gets reactivated every time they are washed (which sounds pretty revolutionary in terms of technology) so as long as you keep washing them regularly you never have to worry about stinking up a dinner party in polite company ever again.
That means everyone SHOULD be covered when they buy these, although inevitably there’s gonna be one fat knacker out there with the stinkiest farts in history that will still manage to get through the zorflex. For everyone else though, the Shreddies may well become an essential purchase. Now if only they could figure out how to get rid of that huge noise every time I let one rip…..
A spokesperson for Shreddies offered the following explanation for the development of the underwear (which makes a little more sense as they were designed originally for people with medical problems, not just for people who farted a lot):
‘Although Shreddies has got cheeky with the new campaign, to many people they still remain very much a healthcare product and have helped so many cope with conditions such as IBS, Crohn’s and food intolerances. But the bottom line is that Shreddies are for everyone, after all, it’s something we all do. Flatulence seriously affects millions of people every day and since 2008 Shreddies has been helping those affected increase their quality of life. We have found the answer to help alleviate the most obvious symptom of flatulence… the odours.’
You can take a look at a few of the pants available below or check out the Shreddies website. They’re about £20 for a pair which isn’t really that bad as I’m sure designer brands like DKNY and Hugo Boss probably charge more, and if you’re a chronic farter you’ll probably have blown the asshole out of them in no time.
☛ More Farts: Farting In The Ghetto
