BIN LADEN HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE 2001 – Remember the war on Afghanistan and when they bombed those caves they were sure bin Laden was hiding in but nobody ever found his body? Well, maybe they got him then but delayed the announcement until now to distract from the weak economy/birth certificate controversy. This doesn’t really make any sense either as I don’t think George W. Bush would have allowed some unknown future President (who also happened to be black, but let’s not get into that) to take credit for what he strived his whole incumbency to achieve. Unless he didn’t know about it. Still, in both of these situations there was no body so we’re still none the wiser – although we do have the word of the ever so reliable U.S. President, who would obviously never lie to the people. Like, there’s no precedent of that happening ever, right?

BIN LADEN’S DEATH WAS JUST TO DISTRACT FROM OBAMA’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE CONTROVERSY – Again fairly obvious why this has emerged, but was the debate over Obama’s place of birth really so overwhelming that they had to pull something like the death of bin Laden out of the bag to counteract it? No way. Probably just coincidence. Obviously the immediate rebuttal from a conspiracy theorist nerd will be ‘THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS COINCIDENCE’ but come on dude. It didn’t even succeed in sweeping it under the table as that dick Donald Trump is already coming at Barack claiming that the birth certificate is fake. Who the hell even gives a fvck dude? Obama found bin Laden (maybe). Which neatly brings us to…