I tried being a chef once. It’s really hard work, but it’s cool as fuck. TV chefs wind me up a treat…I’d be livid if Oliver tried to take my turkey burgers away when I was at school…and Ramsay’s PR team suck balls with their blatantly obvious campaigns to make him appear a twat, then loveable…then a twat…then loveable again. Yuck.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with sucking balls, but the real chefs that will wow the pants off you quicker than a wink from Nigella are hidden away in the dark corners of the world. What, you wouldn’t do Nigella? Bollocks, everyone would.

Here are 11 impossibly sick culinary displays from some of the restaurant world’s best kept secrets.