I generally make my way through life bouncing from one hair brained idea to another – foot fetish money making schemes, abusive domination, e.g. calling a guy in a wheelchair a ‘wheelie bin’ for a tenna per week because he gets off on it (this was his idea), to trying to sell my big toe to medical science for 20k (if you let them replace your toe with someone else’s they pay you wedge FYI).

Now these hair brained ideas don’t just end at get rich quick plans. They apply to pretty much any sector of my life I feel I want to radically change or improve somehow.

I decided the other week I was going to give up food and live solely on fluids and meal replacements in an effort to become a size zero within the week.

☛ Next: Girl Eats 5,000 Calories A Day In A Bid To Become BBW Superstar

Sounds easy enough right? No, not really.

I scoured the internet thoroughly (more like skimmed through) when I was sent a link to MY PERSONAL SAVIOUR …. Bootcamp In A Bottle. Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmmm.

This shit was exactly what I needed; organic, not packed with sugars and additives and also pretty understanding of the triple dipping mother fucking credit crunching plight of a life we live in. AKA …. cheap.

£40.00 for 50 servings, that’s not bad right?

I scoped out the reviews, some chubber lost 6 stone in a DAY.

Okay not quite, I just got excited as I watched Peter Kay the other day, but she lost it over 6 months…

A stone a month, crikey. This shit sounds alright. I placed my order, no hesitation.