The closest I’ve ever come to a bear is in the gay bars in town, where there’s usually a load of ’em swarming around in packs and getting their chest hair stuck in cans of Strongbow and rattling their teeth on the free lollipops you can get at the bar. These bears are usually harmless and rarely attack unless you spill something on their leathers or clip the spurs on their boots, but when riled these animals can become very aggressive and will hunt your scent for miles until you head into the nearest strip club or the football thugs’ favoured haunt.

☛ Thuggery Points: So You Think You’re A Thug?

I’ve also encountered a Bear with the surname Grylls and he’s pretty much a fucking tool who’s got some disorder that’s resulted in him delusionally thinking he’s a real-life Action Man. This Bear is also a bit of a Pinocchio because he told us all – while on his expeditions/adventures – that he sleeps underneath elephants and in troll-infested caves and in sparrows’ nests and on Dawn French’s tits and in sewers but he really sleeps in 5* hotels that are coincidentally located a few miles from his really dangerous and treacherous expedition locations. But, he does make for good viewing material – especially when you’re buzzed – as he’s a complete and utter weirdo who you can’t help but laugh at.

☛ See What I Mean?: Bear Grylls Gives Himself An Enema

I’ve never actually encountered a real bear, though. The animal. I don’t really think I’d ever wanna, either, as they’re supposed to be pretty touchy dudes who’d get angry if you left the teabag in their mug for a second too long. I’d rather just stick around my dudes who are as horizontal as desert plains and don’t really get bothered by too much, apart from lack of Rizlas. It’s not hard to see why bears are so touchy, though, when they get hunted by guys who have no conscience, just for a few thrills and man-points. If you were hunted by bears with guns while you were out having a stroll with the missus, you’d get a bit angry, too, right? I know I would.

☛ Less Angry Bear: Video Of The Most Talented And Human Like Bear I Have Ever Seen

But, perhaps, this hunter-dude will regain a bit more of a conscience after this episode. I don’t know much about what happened before, no-one does apart from the hunter, but the guy has lodged himself in a tree and there’s a big grizzly at the bottom sniffing him out and preparing to climb, and then actually climbing. Presumably, the guy is out hunting the bear and has run off scared because the bear started hunting him first but it doesn’t matter because it’s a pretty shifty encounter and is a true tale of the hunter becoming the hunted.

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