Kim Kardashian is pregnant with Kanye West’s baby.
I know what you’re thinking. Did we just sit back and allow these two creatures to procreate? It’s okay, don’t feel guilty. Because I’m thinking maybe we were wrong all along about Kim & Kanye. Maybe they aren’t just the American, infinitely more famous version of Peter Andre & Katie Price, or Alex & Chantelle. Maybe with “Kimye” (as they are colloquially known), we’ve been failing to see it for what it really is — a real love story for the ages!
Let’s run down the list of why these two are in it for the long haul:
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1.) The Greatest Celeb Baby Of All Time
Kanye no doubt has high hopes that his seed will produce the greatest celeb baby of all time. It will probably be on the production credits of Kanye’s new album by the time it’s six weeks old and will be the focus of Kim & Kanye’s inevitable reality show about parenthood. Plus, what are they going to name the baby? I’m taking a punt on ‘Electrolyte’.
2.) Kanye West Only Follows Kim K On Twitter
That’s right. Kanye West ONLY follows one person on Twitter, and that person is Kim K. Is that not the realest act of love in the history of mankind? Seriously, grab your copy of Romeo & Juliet and set it on fire right now.
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3.) A Brilliant Artist Painted Them As Leo & Kate In Titanic
Nothing screams ‘eternal love’ like being immortalized in a painting hanging in the flower section of a Whole Foods shop in Manhattan (seriously). Would Kim K be kinder to Kanye than Kate was to Leo — and actually give him a little room to join her on that floating piece of debris instead of letting him freeze until he drowned? We like to think yes, she would.
4.) Kanye Wrote A Song About Her Called ‘Perfect Bitch’
OMG, Kanye is so cute! He actually referred to Kim in his music but got all embarrassed about saying her real name out loud so described her as ‘my perfect bitch’ instead. Not ‘my perfect Kim’, ‘my perfect girlfriend’ or even ‘my perfect best friend’… no, he settled on ‘my perfect bitch’. Kim K was honoured because she knows he means it in a positive way.
Here’s another one of his lyrics about a different bitch:
“You know what yo? You a bitch. You should have a travel agent, cause you a trip. You should make your own toilet tissue since you the shit. But all you got is some fucking issues, you fucking bitch”.
See? All about context.
5.) Shallow Ground
Kanye has made a career out of rapping about his need for sex, cars and money and then lamenting the fact that he is an arsehole for wanting those things. Well, he’s found what he was looking for in Kim Kardashian — the physical epitome of the sex, cars and money lifestyle.
Good luck to both of them!
And let’s hope the pregnancy lasts longer than 72 days…
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