Oh god, look at that face. What I would give to land a right hook right in the meat of that left cheek and shatter that smarmy grin. He must have the single most punchable face in the world. If there’s one thing I envy Jeremy Clarkson for (after his job and his column in the Sunday Times) it’s that he got to twat that prick right in the kisser and  that he got away with it.

Was it last year that he ran away to America like a little bitch because everybody was being mean to him? I can’t really remember, I forgot about him pretty quickly. It can’t have been much more than 2 years that he’s been over there, but that’s been long enough for there to already be an official petition to deport him. And that petition has got 105,000 signatures in 18 days. To put that into perspective, a petition only requires 25,000 signatures to receive an official recognition and response from the White House.

What’s even more hilarious is that 5 days later an official petition to keep him in America was created, with the main reason being that the UK doesn’t want him back. This petition now has over 9000 signatures. I genuinely would add my signature to both if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m a lazy shit who can’t be arsed to register with whitehouse.gov.

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The original petition was all started by a redneck gun fanatic called Alex Jones who feels that Piers should be removed from the country for being “engaged in a hostile attack against the U.S. Constitution by targeting the Second Amendment” and for his “effort to undermine the Bill of Rights and for exploiting his position as a national network television host to stage attacks against the rights of American citizens.”

Basically what the redneck is saying is, “Piers Morgan is a threat to an outdated document that allows us to own guns, and we don’t have the necessary sphere of influence or debating skills to defeat him verbally, so we’re gonna use partiotism and ad-hominem attacks on his background and irrelevant differences to get enough people united against him, so that we can kick him out of the country, therefore removing the opponent and winning the argument.”

Although Piers Morgan is an absolute bellend, he is not an idiot. He realised that all he needed to do was present this dumb redneck to the more intelligent masses on national television and the internet, and the redneck would do all the hard work in destroying his own credibility. I don’t think even Piers expected this guy to go quite as freakin’ batshit crazy as he did, though. Seriously, see how mad raging this guy gets while sitting down with a newspaper in his hand? Now imagine him with an M4 assault-rifle. Scary.

So Piers brings him onto his show and says about 4 words the entire time, just sitting there with his suit and his fuckin’ face, and it’s enough to show the world exactly the kind of mentally unstable firecracker, teetering on the edge of  plugging “nearest primary school” into his sat-nav and stopping off at Ammunation on the way, that this guy really is. You really do need to get rid of the guns, America.

Basically this is an argument between a smarmy prick and an enraged crazy person who won’t shut up. It makes for pretty good TV.

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