You guys know we only do proper frontline journalism on Sick Chirpse, and so there was no way we could ignore the e-mails we’ve been getting about this freak in Ontario, Canada named Michael Sullivan AKA the Ontario Poop Eater, who’s been messaging women on Facebook Marketplace listings and asking to buy their faeces.

Here are some of the screenshots and images we’ve received about Michael Sullivan of Picton, Ontario. This guy is inquiring after human poo on Facebook Marketplace because he wants to eat it/smother it all over himself, as evidenced by his freaky Twitter profile:

(Warning – NSFW image incoming, although we’ve done what we can to blur out the poop)

You probably think it can’t get much worse than that, but it does, because there’s also a screenshot floating around of the Ontario Poop Eater asking about underage girls and saying he wants them to use him as a human toilet. WTF…

Jesus, absolute freak of the highest order. If you love being sh@t on/eating poop so badly, I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who offer that service professionally. It’s just such poor judgment to think that the best way to go about satisfying this fetish is to message random women on Facebook Marketplace about it in the hopes they might be interested. Although maybe that’s part of the thrill for the Ontario Poop Eater? Convincing Facebook Marketplace sellers to put their poop on the Facebook black market i.e. his DMs?

Obviously the most worrying part about this is the screenshot where this freak is casually looking to acquire the service of underage girls to use him as a human toilet, so I hope the ladies on Facebook Marketplace who have been receiving these messages have also forwarded them to the relevant authorities. The Ontario Poop Eater may be someone they need to keep a pink eye on.

For the man who pooped himself on a rollercoaster, causing dozens of people below to be covered in his excrement, click HERE. Missed opportunity for Michael there.