Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

WAVY BOY

One night at uni I took shrooms for the first time. Ended up ridiculously hyped and jumped over the couch onto a bean bag. Slammed my balls so hard I thought I broke one. Went to the bathroom and one ball started changing colours. Immediately raced downstairs and told my housemates I broke my balls. What occurred next was a mass hysteria over whether we should call an ambulance. I somehow ended up in the laundry room drinking gallons of water and pissing what I thought was green fluid into a casserole dish. Never again lads, never again.

CCASSIDY

Girlfriend got up to let the cat out one morning and told me she’d be back for some morning sex. She didn’t return and later when i asked her why she said oh I decided to make a coffee instead. That same night i f****d her so hard just to reassert my dominance in the relationship

[no name]

When i was at school i used to get tormented in PE lessons because you could see my tiny knob through my mesh gym shorts. 12 years later not much improvement on the size front.

DOOMBRAIN

I’ve been getting close with this 6’ tall black girl at my uni who is pretty sexy. For some reason she’s into skinny white guys. Anyway I’m sure she’s DTF but I’m scared to go through with it because I have a small cock and this girl is really tall, and black. It’s a disappointment waiting to happen

ramen23

My dad’s a huge Andrew Tate fan

MRMERRY

My girlfriend of 2 years has started shutting her eyes whenever we have sex. I wonder who she’s thinking about.

SKITZOX

I got a spider web tattoo on my neck when I was 18. I was smoking a lot of punk at the time and believed I was going to be a big time hip hop producer. Let’s just say I’m 24 now with some nasty lazer scarring

JERRIRIRUEH

Flirted outrageously with my female boss at a work social last week. She’s not even that hot but she has giant tits and authoritarian swag. It’s only a matter of time before we bang and it’s all I’ve been wanking to the last 5 days

YORKZ

I got smacked in the face by a member of the badminton society at a bar and didn’t do shit about it. The badminton society! FML

MARTYMCFLY07

I went for a happy ending massage and was so drunk I couldn’t come after 50 mins non-stop wanking. In the end the woman told me her hand hurt and I should leave. On the way out all the other masseuses were giggling and I guess she must have told them all that I couldn’t cum. Most weirdly humiliating moment I’ve had in a long time

SHAKA KHUN

I prefer fat girls with big boobs and cute faces to skinny model types. Sue me.

WOLO

A female co-worker who I’ve fancied for months made fun of my haircut and it genuinely hurt me. I’ve had this haircut for years so I feel like changing it now would make it too obvious that it’s because of her comment. FML

DRAG-ON

I smoked heroin a few times as a teen and was lucky to resist the addiction, but I can confirm it is the most amazing feeling in the world. Despite being in a bad place at the time for about 20 minutes I was the happiest boy in the world. Highly recommended! Well, sort of.

COOL GUY 123

Sometimes I go to the toilet just to randomly wipe my arse without even taking a shit. Just feels right to give it a little wipe.

BOOGZ

I used to work a telesales job where the guys would play ‘marry, shag, kill’ with the girls in the office. Most of the girls knew about it and were cool with it, but it was kept a secret from one particular girl (let’s call her ‘Anne’) who was pretty uptight all the time. Anyway, one day on our break I taught the game to the new guy at work and he says “Can I shag and kill Anne? She’s got the best tits but f*ck me is she annoying”. Well Anne was round the corner and heard him say it. Long story short – he got fired, I got suspended, but my (male) boss took me to the side afterwards and said “the game is fine, your timing wasn’t”. Legend.

[NO NAME]

I’m a gas engineer. Worked in a customers house and he was an absolute prick of a guy. He was doing a 1000 piece jigsaw. When I left I stole one piece. The satisfaction knowing he’d spend hours searching for it brings me nothing but satisfaction more than 15yrs later

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!