How long is too long on the toilet? Well, however long ex-Chelsea starlet Miro Munheim spent before Hamburg’s game against Fortuna Dusseldorf on the weekend was clearly taking the p*ss, because his manager promptly benched him over.

Miro, who never actually broke into Chelsea’s senior squad during his four season there, admitted:

 “I arrived late at the training ground as I had been on the toilet and simply forgotten the time.

The manager told me straight away that I would not be starting the game.

I accepted it, as I had made a mistake – but it was a s**t feeling all the same.

I have learned my lesson. I won’t be late any more.

This was a one-off which won’t happen again. I was ashamed.”

The good news for boss Tim Walter is that his decision to bench the left-back didn’t come back to bite him, as Hamburg ended up winning the game 2-0. Well he’s obviously doing something right because his team sit top of Germany second division:

It’s still early days and looking tight at the top there, so I don’t know how Miro Munheim managed to lose track of time so easily right before an important home game. Was he playing Candy Crush or something? Browsing Twitter? Reading a dumb article on Sick Chirpse? We all know there’s nothing quite like taking your sweet time on the toilet, but come on, you’re a professional footballer! You played for Chelsea (kind of)!

In any case, love the reaction of calling it “a sh*t feeling” to be benched after spending too long on the toilet. I don’t know if he intended it but it was a quality pun all the same. Good luck on the rest of the season, Miro! Just need a little more time management on the crapper and you’re good as gold.

For the goalkeeper who was recently shown a straight red card for urinating in the middle of an FA Cup tie, click HERE.