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Let’s go…

El carlo

Back in school me and my brothers and a few mates used to smoke weed and play N64 games in my parents garage, which we aptly named the crackden due to the amount of graffiti on the walls and the shitty furniture we used to lounge on. Anyway, one 4th April when we were super baked one of my friends sprayed ‘Weed Mubarak’ on the ceiling of the garage. I was dating a Muslim girl at the time and brought her back to mine a couple of weeks later, parents were in so I suggested we go up to the ‘crackden’ to smoke a joint, we started fooling around for a bit when suddenly she stopped to look up and slapped me in the face before picking up all her stuff and telling me how much of an Islamophobe I was for spraypainting something like that. Never got to see her again and was super pissed because she had massive tits.

Nanasboy

I was raised by my grandparents who were retired and some days when I wanted to skip school literally hid in my room all day until 4pm, put on my school uniform then jump out the window and turn up at the front door pretending I’d just come back off the bus. Some days I even had to shit in a shoebox in my room so that they wouldn’t clock me moving around the house.

Judge Dregd

Even in this heat I refuse to wear shorts because I would rather sweat my bollocks off than expose my chicken legs to the world.

madlad

When I was a bad tempered 14 year old I once judo throwed my sister across the room for annoying me (I was having a bad day). She went crying to my dad who came in the room moments later and punched me in the face. He then took my sister to buy a new 3DS game.

False Pride

I stayed way too long in the sauna at the gym as a test of manhood against this hench Turkish guy who was sat opposite me. I ended up feeling weird and passing out before waking up by the swimming pool surrounded by concerned faces. Damn ego, man. Will get you every time.

grizzled

Changed jobs a couple months ago because I was miserable at my last one. Now I’m miserable at my new job. Starting to think maybe I’m just a miserable person.

[no name]

As a child I used to think that the death penalty meant that someone would take a penalty and if they scored, the person would live.

Charlieclipz

I used to cyber bully a kid big time on an old garage music forum years ago. The guy was already depressed and then one day just disappeared off the site completely after a meltdown caused by me and some others. Nearly 10 years on I still wonder what happened to him

[no name]

Was out for a lovely walk on the Scottish coast with my husband. Saw the most beautiful, fluffy sheep I’ve ever seen, jumped over a field wall, ran over to take a photo. The sheep turned and bolted, fell off a cliff and died.

kier g

There was a girl at uni who was a bit obsessed with me but I didn’t fancy her so always turned her down when she tried it. On a couple occasions I let her wank/suck me when I was drunk but that’s it. Anyway on the last week of uni she said she wanted to give me one last handjob and I obliged. I laid back on her bed with my eyes closed and enjoyed the experience but out of nowhere she jumped onto my dick and essentially started raping me. She was already so wet and I’m not the biggest anyway so it just slipped right in. I thought “fuck it” and let her ride till I came inside her bareback. I was freaking out about that for weeks but thankfully she didn’t have my baby… that I know of.

[no name]

When I make a cup of tea for someone I don’t know very well, the amount of milk I put in relates to how I perceive their intelligence. The thicker I think you are, the more milk I’ll put in for you.

DialUpTwat

I was involved in a road rage incident and when we pulled up at some lights the guy got out of his car and came to my window. I was too much of a pussy to roll my window down so he just had a go at me for a couple minutes then went back to his car. Apparently I was ‘the bigger man’ but I still feel like such a pussy especially with my girlfriend in the car.

jmanson

I signed up to the OnlyFans of that girl who sucked off 7 NBA players in one night. $22.50 for 30 days. She is one naughty little minx trust me.

e3boy

I was so drunk one time I stood up on my bedside table and tried to piss through my window, except I didn’t realise the window was closed to I pissed all over myself instead

styler1989

I only say “I love you” to my girlfriend if she says it first.

wastemanforlife

When I was horribly addicted to ketamine and had no k left to snort I tried to cook up my drip in a frying pan for it to recrystallize. It didn’t work.

SexChirpseCumDown

I used to open up my laptop and Sick Chirpse every time after sex, kind of like a ritual and now my girlfriend hates this site with a passion and has banned my laptop from the bedroom.

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You are forgiven. See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).