Back after an extended hiatus – we’re sorry about that – it’s the very best way to clear your conscience before the weekend. Just admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – and from now on every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones again.

Here are the best from this week:

Wmram

Girlfriend broke up with me and banged one of my best mates on the same night

[no name]

I steal sweets and snacks from the guy next to me at work all the time and when he complains I just say “yeah it’s fucked dude, things go missing around here all the time”

phrederic

Graduating from uni and moving back home with your parents is one of the biggest life kicking you in the balls moments

sundizzy

Been telling my gf that I’m going to the gym after work, in reality I’m going to the park and smoking weed. Freezing my arse off and not losing weight, I think she’s going to clock on soon..

_zig

I’m ugly as shit and just starting to realise it based on the girls who match me on Tinder.

lox89

I immediately judge guys who aren’t interested in football

Salad Balls

Last week “Astro Project” confessed to a fear of fast food workers spitting in food.. I can confirm it happens all the time even in full service restaurants. That’s not all we do. Less manners, more body fluids. I once got really chewed up by a couple because they had to wait 10 minutes for fresh bread baking. They had to wait even longer while a chef rubbed warm bread against his gouch. Served that with a smile.

kitjen

I broke up with a boy while I was blackout drunk. Broke up with him again the next day with no recollection. Awkward.

hydra ftg

Played Donkey Kong for 3 hours at my work desk today

lolyea

I get home 10 minutes before my girlfriend every day and have a quick wank. The thrill of maybe getting caught helps me finish

scoop

Using wet wipes after I poo has changed my life. You are really missing out if you don’t use them. Give it a try, trust me!

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) below this post – see you next week. (Scroll all the way down). For all the past episodes of Confessions, click here.