It’s going to be pretty unfortunate if you get your genitals bitten off by a dog, but I would say that it’s even worse if you actively encouraged this event to happen by smearing peanut butter all over them first.

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This is the situation that an unnamed 22 year old man put himself in that has now led to him falling into a coma without any testicles or a penis. He was found in a pool of his own blood in East Lothian, Scotland on October 7th and rushed to hospital where he has remained until now, although he has woken up.

He’s currently assisting police with their investigation and they released the following statement about the incident:

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Inquiries are continuing to establish the full circumstances of how a 22-year-old man sustained significant injury to his groin area, while within an address in Haddington on Sunday October 7.

However, as part of this investigation the owner of the dog – an Old English Bulldog named Biggie Smalls – which is believed to have been involved, has voluntarily signed documentation consenting to the destruction of the animal.

This has now taken place after protracted dialogue between the Crown Office, Scottish SPCA and the East Lothian Council Dog Warden.

I mean what a goddamn weird situation? Why did this dude smear peanut butter all over his knob and why did this dog then proceed to rip it to shreds? Why did the owner willingly concede to having his dog put down if it was only ‘believed to be involved’? How did the dog end up being so savage that it ripped someone’s balls off?

Literally so many unanswered questions about this one that we may never have fully resolved. Just take the lesson that it’s never a good idea to spread peanut butter all over your dick when there’s a dog frothing at the mouth nearby. Probably not a good idea to do that in the first place, but you know even more so when there’s one of those dogs around.

For more genitals, check out this rare STI that makes your genitals rot. Be careful out there.