The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Quicktorias secret

Since breaking up with my girlfriend last year I have been on a bit of a tinder bender. For some inexplicable reason I can’t help myself from stealing the panties of all of my one night stands. It’s not something that turns me on but they just seem to find there way into my pocket. In the middle of a clear out and I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. Might try and sel them on Craigslist and make myself some cash.

Perseverancepaysoff

I was in a really bad manipulative relationship with a psyco girl from my uni and in the last few months she did and said some real fucked up shit. Having had enough I decided it was time to end it. The very same day I was going to break up with her, she told me she had been thinking about trying anal. I must admit her ass was incredible and I’d floated the idea a few times too no success. Seeing an opportunity, I stayed with her for a further two months of psyco until she was comfortable with the idea. Then fucked her in the ass three times and broke up with her a week later.
Most satisfying break up ever.

Laziest One

I’ve been telling my mum that I’ve been taking the dog out for a walk while she’s at work for about a year and a half now, and I’ve only done it a few times, at most.

McPISSPANTS92

Ive pissed the bed twice this year. Im a grown man…and it wasn’t even my bed. No regrets.

Translover

Funkandloves confession from last week who was turned on that her boyfriend watched tranny porn. If my wife thought like you that would be amazing. I love tranny porn but have to keep it a secret. You should bring it up. If I could share it that would really turn me on. A threesome with Sarina Valentina would as well.

HewhothinksAustralian

A few years ago I took an Australian girl’s anal virginity. She wasn’t too keen on trying it and needed some persuasion but while we were at it she had a massive whole body orgasm and screamed the house down. Because I was seeing somebody else at the time and was afraid of being caught I quietly ditched her but the experience remains one of the most sexually charged memories of my life. Even years later (and married) I have to stop myself from thinking about it so as not to get a raging boner.

colonelsandersismyfriend

I get more texts and notifications from fast food and takeaway places than I do from friends and family.

Foundtheone

My boyfriend isn’t all that physically attractive but his sense of humour makes me want to spend the rest of my life with him. Looks aren’t everything guys.

indestructible

I went to the STD clinic for the first time recently and I got the all clear. Don’t know how I dodged that bullet.

Tescostinker

So there’s this woman that I always see working at Tesco (I do my weekly shop every sunday, what of it?) Anyway last week I was down the cheese aisle and it was lookig kinda empty so I let one rip. Next thing you know hot girl starts walking my way with a load of stock and of course, it was an absolute stinker. I tried to sniff up all the smell whilst slowly shuffling away but I could see by the look of her face that she had clocked it. I guess that’s my chances well and truly crushed.

twilightshagging

Sometimes when I’m hooking up with my girlfriend, I think about this hot chick from the office. I know I shouldn’t do it and I love my girlfriend to bits and would never cheat on her but it’s just a bit of harmless fantasy. Only issue is I get really worried she can read my mind while I’m doing it. I hope that’s not the case.

perspectiveo

Sometimes when my girlfriend’s going mental at me I film her reaction and replay it to her when she’s not mad. At the time she goes mental at me, but when she sees the video back she mostly apologies and then acts super cool for at least a few days. It works a treat.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week.