Maybe you do, maybe you don’t, but there’s no denying that anal sex is more prevalent amongst heterosexual couples these days than it ever has been.

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Despite this very real status though, it’s still a subject that isn’t really talked about openly in conversation all that often and now Gwyneth Paltrow of all people is seeking to change this. You might be aware that Gwyneth runs her own lifestyle website called Goop where she regularly talks about dirty sex amongst other more wholesome activities like recipes, travel advice and wellbeing and now, she’s decided to tackle the last great taboo of anal sex:

First it was shocking, then it was having a cultural moment, now it’s practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire—or so a quick scan of any media, from porn to HBO, will tell you. But the reality about anal is not, actually, that everyone’s doing it, says research psychoanalyst and author Paul Joannides, Psy.D.,

If anal turns you on, you are definitely not alone, but its prevalence doesn’t change the fact that it’s the riskiest sexual behavior in terms of HIV and other STDs. Over to Paul:

Porn had totally blurred the distinction between a woman’s anus and vagina. The anus isn’t designed to have a penis thrust up it; nature did not spec it to handle incoming, as she did with the vagina.

During anal intercourse you’re basically putting a plunger up someone’s butt. Accidents are likely to happen at one time or another. Pain is an important indicator that damage can occur if you don’t make the necessary adjustments, including stopping.

The way the rectum curves shortly after the opening tells us we need to make a lot of adjustments for anal to feel good. Also, the two sets of sphincter muscles that nature placed around the opening of the anus to help humans maintain their dignity when in crowded spaces (to keep poop from dropping out) mean there’s an automatic reflex if you push against them from the outside.

So one of the first things a woman or man needs to do if they want to be on the receiving end of anal sex is to teach their sphincter muscles to relax enough that a penis can get past their gates. This takes a lot of practice.

Also, unlike the vagina, the anus provides no lubrication. So in addition to teaching the sphincters to relax, and in addition to getting the angle right so you don’t poke the receiver in the wall of the rectum, you need to use lots of lube.

They show none of this in porn. Nor do they show communication, feedback, or trust. Couples who do not have excellent sexual communication, who don’t freely give and receive feedback about what feels good and what doesn’t, and who don’t have a high level of trust should not be having anal sex.

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Well, yeah, that is pretty much a how to guide to anal sex. Sorry if you were coming here expecting Gwyneth Paltrow herself to give you a detailed account of how she loves getting it up the ass, but she’s too classy for that and so are we apparently. I know you’re disappointed.

If you feel comfortable involving yourself with anal sex, make sure you train those sphincters and the world’s your oyster/ass. Go for it.

For more anal sex, check out a genius way of asking your girlfriend for anal sex. Works every time.