I can’t really imagine anything worse than being accused of being a paedophile, but I imagine being accused of being a paeodphile because your 32-year-old girlfriend looks about 15 is probably up there.

Images VIA 

Thankfully that’s a situation that is only ever going to happen to 0.001% of the population and it’s unlikely to be you reading this, because it’s currently happening to 42-year-old Shakey Finks. I suppose the fact that he has a name that sounds like it belongs to a paedophile probably doesn’t help the situation either:

I’ve been tormented in the street and my photo has been wrongly circulated around the local schools. These false allegations are ruining my life.

Apparently I rape little boys in Stonehouse and little girls in Devonport.

I’ve been to the police about it. I’ve had a complete background check done. I don’t have a criminal background. I haven’t been arrested or charged with anything in my life.

I go into town and mothers grab their children close.

Jessica is very small, petite and doesn’t look her age – that’s where all this has come from. I now have to carry a photocopy of her driving licence with me at all times to prove I’m not a paedophile.

Although this isn’t really that funny and is actually quite awful, the image of Shakey (I still can’t get over his name) getting out a photocopy of his girlfriend’s driving licence sounds completely hilarious. It’s partly because a paedophile wouldn’t be walking round the park with his 12-year-old girlfriend in the first place as well, right? People from Plymouth sound stupid.

Jessica isn’t happy about the situation either:

We have involved the police who have supported us in confirming that he has never committed any offence of this nature and in fact he has no criminal record at all.

This has deeply upset us both as these allegations are wholly untrue, and has caused us both to suffer from anxiety and depression.

I can completely understand parents’ worries in this day and age.

However the abuse of an innocent person based only on rumours is completely wrong, and is even slanderous.

We don’t like to go out very often now.

We used to see each other off at the bus stop and go into the city to see the Christmas lights, but Shakey is now hesitant to go anywhere.

That is kind of sad to be fair. Maybe she should get a tattoo or a piercing or something to prove she’s of sound age?

I hope everyone stops bothering these guys about it, but I suppose at least they now have that photocopy to hand. For more stupid stories about driving licences, check out this one about a guy who’s legally required to wear a collander on his head whenever he drives. Moron.