We all know the story of the man who had his penis amputated after a Viagra overdose, but what if your eternal boner is caused entirely naturally?

Jason Garnett from Harrogate in North Yorkshire woke up as he usually did with a morning glory boner at 9am last Friday, after having sex with a friend the night before. An hour later he grew concerned when his boner was still in full effect and then at around 12 (presumably after many wanks — to no avail) he had an ice bath but still his boner refused to budge.

He went for a jog (guessing he tucked his boner into his waistband) but that too failed. He then told his mate, who “was in hysterics at first, but then realised how serious the situation was”.

Jason was taken to hospital when it turns out he was suffering from priapism (which we’ve seen before), a rare condition not caused by anything sexual. It’s a good thing he went to the doctors too because it can damage your penis for good if left untreated.

In the end, doctors drained 1.1 litres (2 pints) of blood from Jason’s penis and injected it 24 times (!) with medication to try to restrict blood flow. It worked! But the mental scars from the sight of his penis getting stabbed 24 times might never heal:

Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was a horrible experience — like something out of a horror film. The pain was a 10 out of 10. It is completely normal now, apart from the fact that it looks like it’s been through a war. It’s all a bit black and blue.

Brutal. Should have just had him watch this — definitely enough to kill any boner.