Everyone probably knows it’s GCSE results day today. I mean, there are the same indicators every year –

– It’s all over the newspapers/internet

– Old people complaining about how exams were way harder back in their day and that exam results these days don’t mean anything. Then why are you making us go to school Mom!?!

– Drunk sluts tumbling all over the city centre and puking on the floor outside your local Oceana or Walkabout or whichever other crap club is the un-official GCSE results party hang out AKA the last chance to score with that guy/girl you’ve wanted to screw all year before they head off to university.

Here are some chumps picking up their GCSE results with some of my great commentary – hopefully you didn’t look as much of an idiot as they did:

1: ‘I really don’t have a chance with you do I?’

2: ‘No, but she looks like she’d do both of you tonight’

3: ‘Sure, I have low standards…and I hate myself’

4: ‘a poodle screwed my mum’

1. I didn’t get the grades I needed but hopefully dressing like a slut will make people like me during the rest of my life. Knew it was a good idea to wear this short skirt to results day.

2. Maybe if I dress like I’m really rich and/or arty people won’t notice I’m not as hot as Tara.

3. If I turn my head slightly like this I can almost see a little bit of Tara’s boob. I really think she’ll dig my polo shirt and jacket combo.

4. I wish they hadn’t made me pose with these people, all they used to do was bully me at school.

5. Good thing I put some much gel in my hair today, Tara is gonna be really impressed with my straight A’s coupled with my trendy hair and t-shirt!

6. Did we get our results yet? I’m baked.