The jury in the trial of Max Clifford had to be sent out after bursting into laughter this afternoon as an alleged victim gave evidence in relation to the celebrity PR man’s penis size. The woman, one of seven alleged victims of sexual assaults by Clifford, had gone to visit him as an aspiring fashion model in 1983 when she was 17. She says that Clifford locked the door, groped her and tried to make her give him a blowjob.

The court had previously heard from another witness that Clifford had a “tiny” 2.5 inch penis when erect, and while this woman (now 48) said that at the time she thought it was sizeable (she’d only seen one cock before this), she later realised that it was really small.

When pressed on this, she said: “I have a small mouth. I do, my dentist always said…”, causing the jury to crack up, to which the judge responded by sending them out of the court room to let it out of their system.

The judge later said: “We have got to remember that this is a court of law and we are dealing with serious allegations, and, in fairness to the witness, and the rest of the court, you have got to learn not to react to what’s happening. Can I ask you to settle down and remember where you are?”

Sexually assaulting someone with a 2.5 inch fully erect penis? That’s just depressing on so many levels. Why didn’t Max Clifford get himself an escort, or maybe just someone who wouldn’t come back 30 years later and tell an entire court room how tiny his cock is? Maybe just don’t sexually assault people is the lesson to be gleaned here, regardless of penis size.

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