A few months ago I wrote a post about Tinder, the hook-up ‘hot or not’ esque app taking the world and app-store by storm. In the end I deleted my account because it is full of middle-aged Asian men and 19 year old perverts who think their 5inch cock constitutes a good time for me.

Then, a week or so ago, my housemate was chatting about the merits of OKCupid and in a fit of carefree mania I decided to see what it had to offer. I like a good date, I also don’t mind a bad date, even with boys who I run away from while they are in the toilet, most dates are just something to bitch and laugh about with women and gay friends over cups of tea. So at 4am in the morning, I chose my most sultry, yet hot, yet approachable, yet quirky, yet totally unique photos, you know, all the things guys on online dating sites are sucked in by and set up a profile. But unlike Tinder, you don’t just put up your best selfies and hope for the best, you have to answer 743274327 questions about things and indicate what you’d like your potential partner’s answer to that question to be.. and whether their answer is not important, somewhat important, irrelevant, very important etc. OKCupid then use algorithmic technology which helps them ‘decide if you should go on a date’. I got told off a number of times by the OKCupid bot for clicking ‘irrelevant’ too many times. But really I just want to look at hot men and toy with their emotions for a bit and lead them into thinking we’ll go on some kind of super cool date to a spoken word night, which I will never really go on. I don’t care if they think that the next number in the sequence is 45 when actually it’s 47 or that their idea of a perfect date is a long walk up the Shard listening to The Sugababes on a pair of shared headphones, whilst my idea of a perfect date would be to break into Sir David Rodigan’s house and write I LOVE YOU in my own blood on his walls.