BN Biscuits

Here’s another unavoidable mind-parasite of a jingle that managed to creep it’s way into everyone’s brains during the 90s. Props to the marketing team who came up with this one, they successfully duped half the nation into losing their ability to call BN’s by their singular name without humming the song every time the flavourless slabs were mentioned which seemed to be far too frequently. At least the song is simple enough that you can’t mistake it for a song about implied fellatio like the Baby Bottle Pop tune.

Other than grabbing you by the ears and never letting go, the advert seemed to entice children into believing that the lowly BN had magical powers that could solve all your difficult life situations with the appearance of it’s smug, winking face. Crying baby brother? Just smother him with a biscuit. Annoying little sister? Annoy her back by replacing her face with your favourite flavourless snack. Dad falling down the stairs after tripping on one of your lazily discarded rollerblades? He could’ve broken his back and maybe you should apolog– oh, you’ve cracked out the BN, that’s fine, that’ll sort it.

Mothers all over Britain were well aware of the supernatural powers contained within the BN biscuit and knew that they were the only way that their child would make it as a playground hero because having a packet of BN’s in your lunchbox pretty much guaranteed your choice in lunchtime trades. If you thought the humble BN were merely bland squares of dry cardboard stuck together with the stingiest amount of sub-par chocolate sauce, you could always swap for at least twenty packets of those Sun-Maid raisins or at least two peach Frubes.