2) Biblical

General rule of thumb — if it’s in the Bible it must be OK and guess what? Cannibalism is all over the holy book. Right from the get-go, in the first book of the bible, Genesis, God says this to Noah after the flood’s buggered off:

Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you.

So although he doesn’t specify humans, we do move, so therefore we are biblically justifiable snacks.

Here’s another gruesome one:

Who pluck off their skin from off them, and their flesh from off their bones; Who also eat the flesh of my people, and flay their skin from off them; and they break their bones, and chop them in pieces, as for the pot, and as flesh within the caldron — Micah 3:2-3

To be fair the Bible isn’t particularly fond of cannibalism en générale but I think we can interpret it as we see fit. That seems to be the general approach to the Bible any way.

3) Islam

This one is a bit controversial, so bear with me here… with the rise and proliferation of Islamic religion across the globe, humans would make a good alternative to pork. It might even bring people together, sharing a human bacon butty for breakfast etc. I realise this one is a bit of a long shot but what do you think? We could all have T-shirts printed with logos like “Cannibals For Peace” — or something less crap?

Also, the Quran is well up for it apparently:

He hath only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and that on which any other name hath been invoked besides that of Allah. But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits,- then is he guiltless. For Allah is Oft-forgiving Most Merciful — Surah The Cow 2:173