1. Morris Dancing
Speaking of being obsessed with penises, we now come finally to the ancient, venerable, and slightly suspect rural custom of the Morris dance. For the uninitiated, Morris dancers are basically old dudes who dress up like a cross between German mountain men and little girls and dance around with handkerchiefs, bells and swords (again, there’s probably a fair bit of phallic symbolism going on in there). Morris dancing is a traditional component of harvest festivals and holy days, although what it has to do with crops or Jesus is beyond me. In essence, being a Morris dancer is probably about as white as you can possibly get. My god, we’re lame.
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