4) Ginger Takeover

Every 6 — 12 months an article comes out declaring with woe that gingers are dying out. These regularly produced articles are followed by another wave of articles (written by people who know about genetics) saying that gingers becoming extinct, and I’m paraphrasing here, is utter dog turd. They will never die out. Deal with it.

Once Scotland has separated from the cultured section of Europe they will become very poor and politically isolated (and perhaps geographically isolated if #3 happens).

This genetic isolation (and general ugliness) will mean that breeding with other nations will become rare. Does that matter? Well yes it does, it means that Gingerism will take over. I have no problem with the appearance of gingers, if anything I think their chirpy tones can enhance a man’s mood. The problem is that ginger people are much more aggressive and have lower IQs than the general public. This drop in intelligence and increase in rage will spell trouble for the new state as it struggles to maintain political and economical equilibrium.

On top of the issues with interpersonal relationships and a dip in general intelligence there is a more sinister and globally important catastrophe waiting in the wings. Ginger hair reflects 80% more sunlight than darker hair. This effect will not only cause a widening in the ozone’s creaking hole but will lower ground temperatures encouraging rainfall, thus worsening Scotland’s weather further still.

To add insult to injury any pilots navigating their way across the country will be in serious danger of getting blinded by “ginger flare” increasing air traffic accidents.

I hope that the points above turn some heads and make the sensible headed Scots think twice about going it alone. I’m fond of our northerly cousins and the last thing I want to see is a Scotland fused with Iceland, speaking gobbledygook under North Korean rule.

I think you know which way to vote.