22) PJ & Duncan — If I Give You My Number
“I’m so full of sensuality”
It’s a bad lyric that’s a fact, but coming from Ant and Dec it becomes simply adorable.
23) Van Halen — Why Can’t This Be Love
“Only time will tell if we can stand the test of time”
Yes… I guess you’re right really? Kind of goes without saying though? There’s no real reason to sing it all. Maybe you could replace that line with a flute solo or alternatively you could just stop writing lyrics all together? Yeah, do that.
24) Hilary Duff — So Yesterday
“If the light is off then it isn’t on”
THAT’S YOUR FASCINATING FACT OF THE DAY FOLKS.
25) LFO — Summer Girls
“New Kids On the Block had a bunch of hits. Chinese food makes me sick”
That lyric makes me sick, so I hope that next time you have Chinese food you puke until you die. Only joking of course, but I do hope you’ve been drinking red wine and make an embarrassingly permanent mess on a prospective love partner’s new coat.
26) Dr Dre — Keep Their Headz Ringin’
“I kick plenty of ass, so call me an astronaut”
No. Astronauts go into space. You’re thinking of Astrologists.
27) Metallica — Enter Sandman
“Close the door, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight! And they aren’t of Snow White”
Un-heavy metal to the max.
28) Ke$ha — Tik Tok
“I’m talking pedicures on our toes, toes”
Maybe Ke$ha needs to specify where her pedicures happen because she once embarrassed herself in a beauty salon by asking for a face pedicure? What a winner. I guess you can’t expect someone who uses symbols instead of letters to make too much sense.
And last but not least, no article on lyrics would be complete without at least a glancing look at Cannibal Corpse. They’ve been smashing out gore filled death metal for decades and like it or lump it their lyrics are about as jokes as they come:
29) Cannibal Corpse – Meat Hook Sodomy
“Dislocating, separating a blood-drenched body. Begin the anal grouting”
Annnnd… I’m spent. Hit us up if you’ve got any to add because we know there’s plenty out there.
