6) Rich Hippies Are The Worst Sort Of Human
I worked for many years at a vegan restaurant with a menu specifically tailored for the crunchy-granola set (raw, gluten-free, no GMOs, etc). As you can imagine, our clientele was among the pickiest and most ridiculous in the city: enthusiastic yogis, newly-detoxing folks eager to share their political agendas, and rich snobs who were convinced they were on the cusp of figuring out how eating right might help them live forever.
I swear to you I have weathered an amount of unsolicited and science-free medical advice that would make your head implode. Did you know that blenders can chop up submicroscopic particles? Did you know that waving a sword around will balance your life energy? Did you know that EVERYBODY HAS BRAIN PARASITES, and that taking black walnut pills will make them come out of your nose?
One of my favorites was the time a moderately attractive man (MAM) sits down for brunch with his lookalike brother on our garden patio. MAM spends just a few seconds looking at our menu since he is familiar with the restaurant, and decides to order the tofu rancheros. I bring him the dish; a couple of crispy corn tortillas topped with guacamole, sunflower “refried beans”, fresh chopped salsa verde, bell peppers, faux sour cream, etc.
I return to the table a few minutes later to check on them and MAM looks displeased. He tells me that he is allergic to the color red because it is inflammatory and could I please bring him a dish that does not have that color. Normally we tolerate lots of odd dietary requests but that was just too silly of a hoop to jump through. I politely let him know that I could have asked the kitchen to skip the red if he had asked me before the meal was prepared but that I was unable to accommodate him after he had started eating.
MAM gives me the sort of look that indicates I am a moron and reassures me he can eat around the red things, but if I could remember for next time that would be great.
