A booby of a country squire, who made an honest woman of his father’s chamber-maid, bolted into the room when she was in labour, and blubbering over her with great tenderness, sobbed out that he was sorry she felt so much pain on his account. “Don’t make thyself uneasy, love,” said the wife, “I can’t bear to see thee fret, for I’m sure it was not thy fault.”

2015 translation: When a dumb guy’s wife goes into labour, he apologises for the pain he’s causing her. She goes “Don’t worry about it; it’s probably not your baby” – ouch.