4 Words That You Only Say If You’re A C*nt

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Ascertain

 

2. Ascertain

It’s just excruciatingly formal. It only sounds fitting from a barrister’s lips or when proofreading an essay aloud; but day-to-day use is reserved for the greater-spotted pretentious tool.

“I’m just trying to ascertain which direction we’re going to go with this.”

Come now. People only bust it out to loftily demonstrate their intelligence to you. Through scrupulous field research I have ascertained that its sole use is for beefing up a sentence with a smart-sounding, try-hard syllable. Just that unnecessary pinch more intellectual weightiness.

It’s worn-out by the wankers who bullishly dictate the direction of uni group projects. Or newly promoted retail managers, who want to verbally elevate themselves from the shelf-stacking dross they now command.

☛ Read Next: Why Dressing Gowns are for Cunts

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